It's been forever since I've posted, I guess life has been complete chaos from the drinking and drugs. I'm finally clean, claimed the straight edge, and now Ana has decided that I'm worthy of her time. I'm on the road to claim perfection again.

She came to me last night, whispered in my ear.

We're going to get it this time, no giving up, no slacking on the diets.

She was right, we had tried everything before but I always gave in to temptation. This time will be different This time we'll succeed.

You're going to try my diet this time, the all well known ABC

Anything you say, Ana, I'll do whatever it takes.

Together we will reach perfection.
Together we'll make it happen.
And we will never stop until
I get so close to the size
zero.

__/FALLING FAST\__

F
A
L
L
I
N
G
FAST

Complete and total crash today.

like an airplane spiraling downward.

Got home. Got upset. Ate way too much.

Now there's screaming in my head.

Too many calories

Not enough exercise

and you'll be up late studying for a class you're already a failure at.

"Congrats sweetie," she whispers in my head. "I'll help you stay strong, all the way. You and me until the end."

That whisper in my head.
That one so sweet and harsh.
I know I'll hear it till I'm dead.

..::Success::..

..::Success::..

After a few days of desperately trying I finally was able to fast all day long.

It made me feel better, it made me feel secure that I'm back in the saddle again.

.Ready To Tackle My Weight Head On.

Today wasn't so hard.
I wanted to gnaw off my hand
I wanted to eat everything in site
I tried to compromise with myself
I didn't give in
I made it through
I stayed strong

I remember what it's like to be skinny.
The adrenaline rush.
The jealous stares from girls, the trailing looks from guys.
To be able to take on the world.



I remember it.
And now I'm going to get it again.

This time I won't loose it.

..::..::..